I am 8 weeks into the Yoga Teacher Training program and am starting to remove an exterior layer of myself that I wasn't aware it existed.
We have been learning about the Yama's and Niyama's (Yoga Ethical Guidelines for building a foundation of skillful living) and have begun journalling about how these show up in our lives and learning to mediate about these issues that arise.
I am not an experienced mediator, so what I found was that I started 'praying' to overcome obstacles and realized that "praying"was actually me speaking and asking for things...but "mediating" was more about quieting my mind and listening.
Totally different and super cool!! I finally got it!
I am coming to realize that my personality on the mat is who I am off the mat too! This is not exactly stuff I am proud of either!
It's a self discovery like nothing else. I 'rush' to get to my practise and it takes me a while to centre myself and just stop and be with the practice. With a more profound awareness, I find myself in conversations with people and I realize I am not listening...I am not even good at pretending to listen either...and in fact, I am aware that they know I am not listening too! Yikes, what is this...oh my..."Just stop thinking, quiet the mind and listen".
Or I am in auto pilot...just going through the motions, mindlessly. Oops, I ended up driving to the gym instead of daycare?!? Oops I just finished my lunch and cant remember tasting it...and I am still hungry?!
And sometimes worrying about things I cant control.
WOW! So here I am, a human being in need of Yoga every minute of my life. Not just on my mat. This is so much more than a physical practice. I need more union and connection to myself and others. I am prepared to put that mirror up and face myself and focus on grounding my thoughts, and becoming much more present. And recognizing that when I am not present, to be honest about that too.
Thanks for listening!